Rules to living with ARO's
by mjaybee
Summary: Hey there! This is Helena here to show you all what NOT to do when living with ARO's or Autobots for short. Follow these simple rules and you'll happily ever after with these big fellas.
1. Chapter 1

**_Hi there folks! I decided to jump on the car of writing rules for living with Autobots. This may be a oneshot until I get enough reviews (5) to write more, hope you laugh or smile because I know I did._**

_Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers, Autobots or Decepticons. All I own are the rules, my ocs, and my ideas. _

_Warnings: Some cursing, some references to Robo-smex, and everything else a rated T has._

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><p><em>Hey there idiots! This is a list of things you absolutely cannot do around Automous robotic organisms. Or Autobots for short. I hope you follow eve-<em>

"Are you typing it Helena?" Ugh, Prowl...if you weren't expecting...oh the pranks I could do~! Anyways, I rolled my eyes and responded, "Yes. And why can't Arina help me?" The tall metal mech sighed. "It would be highly unlogical for her to help you if she had no cause to do with your stupidity. Now get back to work, we are expecting some more 'bots to show in less than 34 Earth hours. And NO trying to escape. We have cameras at everyplace you least expect it."

"Okay! Primus!" He sighed again. And then left. He's SOO Pmsing right now. And I am starting to dislike the little Solstice that banged him up.

I started to type again.

_-ry rule. While some may disagree that this is just something you brush off a shoulder pad-SUNNY-it would be so wise to trust the little squishy for once. _

**1) Don't prank call me. Or Arina, the other squishy that you'll see around.**

**(I know who it was...and your desmise is near.)**

**(Just ask Mudflap 'n Skids)**

**(They'll tell you.)**

**(While looking over their shoulder)**

**2) Do not threaten me or Arina that you'll squish us.**

**(You'll be cleaning out our smashed organs off you for weeks.)**

**(In the well of allsparks.)**

**3) Recording Arina while she is deaf-singing in the shower is not a form of blackmail.**

**(You'll be on our hitlists more then anything)**

**(Me, Sunny, Ratchet,...and most likely Prowl)**

**4) Screaming while being scanned is not going to make it shorter.**

**(ARINA!)**

**(Ratchet scanned her twice to make sure there was something he missed)**

**(And still, she screams.)**

**(She had to be scanned 38 times until she stopped.)**

**(Then she had to take a mentality test, which she passed...barely)**

**5) Don't comment when meeting new recruits until you know their gender.**

**(I commented on how round Mirage's chasis was.)**

**("Oooh! We have a femme invasion!")**

**(Let's just say...he doesn't come near me unless absolutely necessary.) **

**6) When I haven't had my daily twizzler break, do not mess with me.  
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**("It's like your smoking crack. You can never get enough of it." -Arina.)**

**(I growled. But hey, it's true.)**

**("You look like shit." -Skids.)**

**(He is still missing. Not that anyone really cares.)**

**7) Telling stories to Anna-Banna is banned.**

**(She had started to collect energon cubes for an odd reason. When asked, she said, "I want to wake up the sleeping mech!" On closer inspection, they were high-grade.)**

**(I have my suspects.)**

**(I is going to find you!)**

**8) When on the battle field, do the following:**

***Run around with a gun in your hand, yelling 'I need my pills!'* **

**(You'll get stares from both sides of the track, and then you'll get asked by both sides to slowly put the gun down. Trust me, I did it.)**

***"EVERYONE CALM DOWN! I LOST MY GRENADE!"**

**(Everyone, human and 'bot alike, started to duck and cover.)**

**(It was a Wheeljack 'oops' expriement, that Arina had thrown without realizing it.)**

**(There were many casualities that day. Mostly on the decepticons.)**

**(That's the day Ravvy began to hang out with moi.)**

***Sing 'Why can't we be friends?' **

**(Everyone stared Sam. Bots and humans alike.)**

**(Arina started to cry. Babbling on how dumb this war is since Cybertron is gone.)**

**(Nobot said anything. It was a awkward silence for like 9 minutes. Then the Decepticreeps retreated.)**

**(Haven't seen them in MONTHS.)**

***Pretend you get hurt, start to cry, and do it in front of Moonracer.**

**(Arina did this because 'Screamer wouldn't leave her alone)**

**(Now, Moonracer is known for having a soft-spark like Arina)**

**(But her optics went white, and she almost offlined 'Screamer within a few minutes.)**

**(I have a new-found respect for her now)**

***Never yell: "(Fill in the blank) broke my spark!" then point to a con.**

**(I yelled this then pointed at Megatron, who is still in need of a denta check up.)**

**(I never seen Optimus' eyes go so white before) (Not even when Arina was kidnapped)**

**(Amazing)**

***Try to actually fight bare handed.**

**(Leo, Miles, SAM!)**

**(These three dumbos all broke their knuckles.)**

**('Bee was an emotional mess)**

**(I didn't help it by reenacting the stupid event by punching any bots leg I saw, then not getting hurt 'cause, I AM AN TECHNO-ORGANIC BITCHES!)**

**9) My name is HELL-ENA squishy. Mess with me, you'll get so much of it.**

**(Starscream never knew what hit him.)**

**(Just about a ton of 'oops' explosives.)**

**(He was trying to steal my proto-type of a cannon I was buliding.)**

**(And...he'll always have a limp.)**

**10) Just because Arina -sometimes-bathes with Sunny, don't assume that there is something between them.**

**(Heard it from a group of soldiers.) (Got pissed.) (And disgusted.)**

**(They got transfered not even a hour later.)**

**(Optimus did it not for me to hurt them.)**

**(OH NO. He did it because Sunny was**_**this**_** close from squishing them.)**

**(And he whined. "She gets into cracks I can't reach!")**

**(...Dude. That did not help the situation AT ALL.)**

**11) Never let Ratchet see you get a boo-boo. **

**(He'll take it way too seriously and you'll end up with a even bigger one.)**

**(Arina got a **_**tiny**_** paper cut, and it went all 'New Moon' on us.)**

**(Red Alert screamed, Sunny slapped him to shut him up, 'Sides laughed, then the Hatchet pounced.)**

**(There was no Emmett to stop him)**

**(Arina tripped from trying to get away from the tumbling and pouncing, and broke the same arm she got a papercut on.)**

**(I still blame the bots.) (Mostly Ratchet himself alone.)**

**12) "BEEP, BLOOP, BLEEP!"**

**(Me and Arina were bored. The bots were all there.)**

**(She started it. "Beep?")**

**(I responded. More masculine. "Bloop. Bleep.")**

**(We had a 'conversation' for a minute or two.)**

**(Then she made it dirty!)**

**(She was more out of breath, like she ran a mile. "BLEEP! BLOOP!")**

**(I realized where this was going. But hell. It was hella funny to see the 'bots reaction.)**

**(Lastly, we both screamed at the same time. Hers high pitched while mine lower.)**

**("ROBOT SEX!")**

**(No one, not even Prowl said nothing.)**

**(But humans found it funny, I don't get it.)**

**13) Don't keep on saying how the human race is primitive when it comes to technology, weapons, etc.**

**(SUNNY, MIRAGE, IRONHIDE, RATCHET!)**

**(We weren't the ones who destroyed our planet yet with our weapons and technology yet!)**

**(Oh yeah I went there!)**

**(Now who's talking!) (NO ONE!)**

**14) Opening doors without knocking is banned.**

**(I walked into Ratchet and Ironhide's room to find Ratchet because Arina got stuck in the revolving door)**

**(Again)**

**(What I saw shall never let me think the same way about the Hatchet ever again)**

**(*Shudder*)**

**15) Playing with noodles in our hot springs is banned**

**(Sam, Leo, Miles, ARINA!)**

**(They had a noodle fight)**

**(Arina and Miles got black eyes)**

**(With noodles anything can happen)**

**16) Never, EVER, bring a boy to the base**

**(I'd never think that Ravvy would get jealous!)**

**(It was soooo cute!)**

**17) With a dare, do it. No matter how embrassing it is.**

**(We won't ever let it down, trust me)**

**(...we're still waiting)**

**(Leo...Miles...)**

**18) Never use a vehicle that isn't an 'bot**

**(Sunny, you were away on a mission. Arina had to use a millitary provided car to get to school)**

**(That doesn't mean she doesn't love you anymore)**

**(I really don't think that's possible)**

**(So stop giving her the silent treatment!)**

**19) Kicking a object in Wheeljack's lab when you're angry, is banned.**

**(I did it.)**

**(I think I destroyed his only sucessful project)**

**(Now he won't even look at me)**

**20) And, finally, never yell, "Muffin TOP!"**

**(Yelled this when Arcee came in.)**

**(Was offended.)**

**("Atleast I look good in it!")**

**(Grrrr! Arcee!)**

**(Can't help that Arina is the sister that attracts the misters.)**

_Just follow these rules. You'll have a longer, happier life if you do. Peaces, and deuces. Helena Gardener is out!_

I stretched and sighed. "ARINA!" I yelled, she came to the door. "Yes?" I thought about it. "Do you feel like making a noodle fort?" She shifted on her feet, thinking about it. "As long as I don't get blamed for it. Then yes." I jumped up. "LET'S DO THIS!" She rolled her optics. "You realize you might have to write more rules, right?"

"Annnnd?"

"...You're going to kill Prowl and the sparkling. I swear." She said walking out the door, I followed her. Wanting to build my fort before Prowl notices I'm missing. Arina knew how to disable the cameras without even touching them, she's cool like that. So we walked/skipped down the hall singing 'Fuck you', by Lily Allen.

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><p><strong>Sooooo. Hope you liked it and please review!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi guys/gals! I'm back with my new list! Hope y'all like it, and review please~!**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers, nor do I own the mentioned humans. All I own are Helena and Arina. My two OC's.**_

_**Also, this chapter is typed by Arina this time!**_

"Ouch, OUCH!" Helena screamed as Ratchet's holoform pulled on her hair, taking some glue with it. I stood off to the side, knowing that she'll be just fine. Deserved it even. Bluestreak was glue-free now, due to my quick hands. And he was babbling, which was absolutely adorable. Plus, he sounded like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. Which was a huge plus. "Hey, Blue," he stopped. "Tell Helena that I'm going to our room, ok?" He nodded. "Okay bye Arina see you later! And do you like..." I left after that, rushing to our room.

Once I got there, I opened Helena's laptop. Clicking on the document labeled 'Living with AROS's', I began to add on to the twenty, and still counting list book.

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><p><strong>21) When building a noodle fort, never use super, super glue<strong>

**(I really thought this was only in 'Matilda'.)**

**(It got on the new recruits Bluestreak, and Hound.)**

**(Blue was trying to fit in which was fine...Hound...I have no idea...)**

**(How Helena found it worries me.)**

**22) The following is banned until further notice:**

***Marshmallows**

**(It gets into the bots gears and makes it hard to move when in battle)**

***Twizzlers**

**(Ratchet says it was 'unhealthy'.)**

**(Helena is a queen glitch right now...)**

**(REALLY HOPE THIS IS TEMPORARY.)**

***Rope**

**(...I can't...Gah!)**

***Bean bags**

**(We had a bean bag fight.)**

**(And the little pea thingies were everywhere)**

**(Optimus and Prowl weren't amused)**

***Furbies**

**(They scare Prowl...)**

**(Something about visting a planet filled with Furbies...)**

**(Prowl doesn't want to talk about it...)**

**(No matter how cool it seems.)**

**(Sorry Annie!)**

**(More to come on this...I feel it.)**

**23) "BOOM BOOM POW!"**

**(Me and Helena do this during battles when we fight together.)**

**(This is OUR symbolic quote.)**

**(Like Optimus' is 'Freedom is the of all sentient beings'.)**

**(So don't steal it)**

**(SIDES! JAZZ! SUNNY!)**

**24) When doing you little arm thing, Helena, make sure none of the new recruits see it.**

**(Lettme tell this story later.)**

**25) Quoting me, or Helena when we are on our...thedotattheendofthesentence is not funny.**

**(That poor soldier)**

**("MY *BEEP* HURTS!"-Helena)**

**("MY *BEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPP* YOU *BEEEEEEPPP*!"-also Helena**

**("All these feels! I can't-"*starts to cry dramatically.*-me.)**

**("Why did she let goooooo! Damn you Rose!- I was watching Titanic...)**

**(Yeah...don't mess with us.)**

**26) NO MORE GLITCHING PROWL!**

**(He's having a kid people!) (Stress ain't really good for anybotty!)**

**(Have some self-control.)**

**(Please, for my sake, his, the baby and the pissed Porsche that is going to be after you.)**

**27) Giving Annie ideas has to be monitored by me, Prowl, or Ironhide.**

**(Sides accidently gave her the idea that 'Hide was going to die soon.)**

**(Helena didn't help...)**

**(So she started to cry, and screamed for Ironhide.)**

**(...He's a mama chicken. That's all I can say really.)**

**28) I don't like fighting, but that doesn't mean I can't defend myself.**

**(Hound, I'm sorry for those dents.)**

**(...the missing optic...and the missing servo...)**

**(Sorry!) (I thought you were Barricade!)**

**(Same height...almost.)**

**29) Never, under ANY circumstances leave Helena and Sides together in the same room.**

**(Now, I can see the dirtyness in y'all's mind.)**

**(But the reason why you can't is that they'll come up with the worst, and most dangerous pranks.)**

**(The aft launcher was one.)**

**(...hmmm. Oh yeah! Megatron hologram was another!)**

**(Ironhide's reaction to the second one was terribly awesome.)**

**(He blew up half of the base...)**

**(...because 'Megatron' was in the medbay...)**

**(Just don't mess with Ratchet like that you guys...)**

**30) Calling the toilet 'Lou', 'Choker' or 'X-plode' is banned.**

**(The bots kept on wondering who this 'Lou' person was since I kept on saying it.)**

**("I'm goin' to go see Lou! See you TWO later!"-Me.)**

**(Helena, and Will were the only one's who got it.) (They laughed.)**

**(And I had to explain to the other curious metal dudes.)**

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><p>I typed the last bit as soon as Helena skipped through the door, her bright green hair free of any glue bits. "How's Hound?" I asked as I sent the list to Prowl, making sure to not let Helena see it. She'll get mad at the fact that I was doing her punishment and yell at me. Blah, is what I say. "They're preeetty good. And I think Mirage is pissed at me." Getting up, I stretched. Popping my neck I looked at her with a questioning look. "How so?" She grinned. "Hound can't use his partner 'n crime for a while since some glue got on it. But, heh. He brushed it off." I looked at her. "Awwww. Poor Raj." Helena laughed. "Yep. Poooor Raj. Hey!" She snapped her fingers. "Let's go to the rec. room! Prowl didn't take down the fort since Annie is playing in it now~!" Yay! Noodle fort time!<p>

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><p><strong>Again, review! I love reviews! But no flames, please! <strong>

**-miya**


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